What?” Alex looked terribly pale, like he was going to fall sick. I must look exactly that way too, if not worse. My jaw seemed to have dropped to the ground as shock waves sliced through my veins.
Instantly, I remembered her name – Lisa. How nice! Now, I was to be subjected to having a polygamous family? I could not quite believe it, it took several minutes, or hours but I finally found the courage to close my mouth.
“Yes Alex” Lisa said, jumping happily like a girl who had just been given a Christmas dress. “You are going to be a father, my love” she said to the white-faced Alex.
I could not stand this. My legs almost unbuckled beneath me. This was just too much. In fact, I had been dealing with ‘too much’ of everything since I met Alex. How could I have been stupid enough to fall in love with this man? Yeah, you can’t tell the heart who to love, but as I thought about it, I realized just how unfair that was. Why shouldn’t I be able to dictate who I fall in love with? It was just so unfair. How many more people would get pregnant through this man? Tears spilled down my eyes. I looked at Alex who still hasn’t been able to utter a single word.
“What on earth did I do to deserve this Corper” I cried out in agony. “You should have just put a knife through my chest instead of this slow torture you are putting me through” I fought for control but found none. Alex sat looking spineless, like he was in a state of shock. “Well, you have another baby in the making, congratulations daddy. It seems you are now a baby-making factory”
I turned and almost tripped as I ran upstairs. The tears blinded my gaze but I just let my legs lead the way as I raced into my room. I slammed the door violently behind me and collapsed against the door, crying my eyes out. “Oh God” I cried. Why me? We have been ordered not to question God but all I have in my head is loads of unanswered questions. Now, there was no doubt in my mind that I had lost Alex. My Alex is dead and all I have left is a complete womanizing stranger. Would they also get married? I swallowed hard as the possibility came to view. Oh no, this is definitely a living nightmare.
I dragged myself to the bed as depression set in. where the hell were my parents? I should have left when I had the chance. I should not have allowed Alex to change my mind with tempting incentives. I should have known that nothing good comes out of the lion’s den.
As I sobbed quietly into the pillow, I heard a knock. Without studying the knock pattern, I knew it was Tina. “I don’t want anything Tina, please go away” I said with little or no strength. The door opened and I turned to glare at her. I knew she would not listen. That is the price I had to pay for having her close to me. “I said I don’t need anything” I yelled.
She looked so sad and sympathetic. “But you would need the company” she said.
“I don’t need anything. ANYTHING. Leave me alone Tina” I barked.
She swallowed and moved towards me instead of going out. Oh Crap! I just never get what I want, do i? I just wanted to die.
She sat beside my head and the expression on my face was enough to make me cry all over again. “You can get me fired afterwards but I won’t leave you to wallow in pain.” She said softly. Her words made me cry anew and she pulled me till my head was on her laps. She ran her fingers through my packed hair as she whispered consolatory words.
“What did I ever do to deserve this torture Tina? What?” I cried, like she had the answer to that. “If I hadn’t slept with Alex, my life would be in shape now. I am the only cause of my problems. Me. Only me. I wish I would just die”
“Shhh… Don’t say that.” Tina whispered. “A wise man once told me that if we continue to blame ourselves for our past mistakes, we would be making another mistake. We all make mistakes but we must get past them and move on. I know you can” she whispered.
I could not measure my level of respect for her then but I was totally shattered. “I can’t. I feel trapped and helpless.”
“Yes you can” She said strongly. “I know you can. Think about your baby. Your adorable baby boy. He is relying on your strength; you can’t afford to fail him. You can do this” she whispered. The mention of my baby instantly got my attention. Tina was absolutely right. I could not afford to despair, not when my depression could affect my baby. “Whenever Mr Alex gives you a reason to be sad, just think about your child.” She whispered.
I controlled my sob until I was left with a few sniffs. “Thanks Tina. I don’t know what I would have done without you” I said.
“I am here to help ma’am. You would be fine”
I smiled surprisingly. “Do you think you could ever call me Amara?” I asked.
I felt her smile without seeing her. “I don’t know”
**********
